WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AT THE DOORSTEP

I cannot resist sharing this story with you.
It was completely unintentional...
Don't judge.


It all started because of this little piece of metal:

sorry for the mirror image.  Photo Booth tends to do that.

ONE EVENING The boy next door dropped me off, and I couldn't unlock my door because my gloves that were keeping my hands warm {I know right? isn't that supposed to be his job?} made me extra clumsy.

Being the gentleman that we all know him to be, he offered to open my door for me.  P.S. LOVE the chivalry.

BND: "Which key is it?"

[admittedly, I wasn't thinking properly.]

Sarah: "Uh, the one that says 'DO NOT REPRODUCE'."

[the awkward silence ensued. That was error numero uno.]

BND: "Oh, you mean, "do not DUPLICATE'?" 

Sarah's thoughts: dang. I REALLY hope that wasn't a Freudian on my part. Smooth Sarah, smooth.

Sarah: "Whatever. Just stick it in."

[More awkward silence.  That was error numero dos]

Sarah's thoughts: CRAP. crapcrapcrap. Just stick the KEY in the LOCK.  Sarah, you IDIOT!"

[I look over to realize that BND is silently laughing. Of course, he can't keep it in forever]

BND: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I am sure you can fill in the rest.  Needless to say there was a major laughing fit for a solid 6 minutes.

Moral of the story:

Know what the text on your keys actually says.

Never use vague pronouns like "it" after a Freudian.

And with that considered, you should be safe at your next doorstep scene.