WHO MADE YOU THE HAIR POLICE?

One day at the playground in 1st grade a girl made fun of my braids.
"Why do you always wear your hair like that? It's funny."

...Bless my mother's heart, she really did do a wonderful job on my hair... 

The next day I refused to let my mother comb my hair. My mother demanded to know where my attitude came from.  After explaining the incident on the playground, my mother said:

"Well who made HER the hair police?"

{One of my mother's better quote-able quotes. }

..............................................

Today, I was shopping for boots with my mother.  I couldn't even try on the boots with fur.  

No. Fur.

My mother asked where my attitude came from.

"There is this boy down the street that criticizes girls' boots in the winter. He says NO FUR."

"Well who made HIM the boot police? 

...Wait, don't you, uh, question his...masculinity?"

Good call, Mom.  Good call.

No fur.

I got some classy boots, anyways->

HE'S NOT MY TYPE

if he says any of the following questions on a first date:

1. So... is there anything that you aren't excellent at? No.  There isn't. (GOSH how in the WORLD do you want me to answer that one and preserve my dignity?!?)
2. Where do you get your style from? Not your mom I am assuming... My mother is actually pretty classy.  Unlike your manners and questions...
3. Do you have any strong political opinions you want to discuss? No.
4. What do you want out of life? Lots of money with little or no work, trophy husband, and a city named after me. What about you?
5. So mechanical engineering, huh? What do you want to do with that? Is this a trick question?
6. So uh, you want a career then? I hate children and I can't cook. I like to focus on my strengths.
7. What do you value in life? See answer #4 above
8. Are you REALLY happy with your life? Uhhhhh.....
9. Have you heard of [insert obscure philosopher's name] and his theory on [insert philosophical topic] ?? no comment.
10. What is your opinion on philosophy? That it is a inferior subject compared to math and music....  

...OH. That's your MAJOR?! I would have never guessed.

......................................................................

I like to think that I live by a set of philosophies...er, um, bad word... "Guiding Principles"  Stuff like, ya know:

• Don't shop at a place that intentionally spells their name wrong. (i.e. a gas station named "Qwik Stop")

• Studying is overrated right before a test.  If you don't know it by now then you won't learn it over night so just get some rest.

• Take as long of a lunch break as you need to recuperate before returning to work.

• Always cook rice in a rice cooker.  They are cheap, and SO MUCH EASIER AND EFFICIENT than the stove.

• Always use your blinker.  It is just courteous.

• Never vote straight ticket.  There are idiots on both sides.

AND now I add a new one to the list:

• Don't go out with philosophers.*

*This has been backed up by more than one male.  I have a good sample size, don't you worry. And this is NOT the pie-shake-tuxedo-man, fyi. 

TOO CUTE TO HANDLE

I am in love. 

Thank you Bakerella!!!!

It might be hard to tell by the picture..but it is cake dipped cleverly in chocolate.

(dye white dipping chocolate yellow and pink)

I made TONS....

I can't get over them. So. Cute.

Directions:

1. Bake cake according to directions and crumble it up in a bowl

2. Mix frosting with cake in until you can form balls with the cake crumbs

3. Freeze cake balls for easy handling

4. Use small paper baking cups (they look like miniature cupcake liners) and fill 1/2 way with dipping chocolate

5. Press the frozen cake ball into the chocolate filled cups

6. Let harden and remove paper.

7. Dunk tops into more dipping chocolate.

8. Immediately decorate with sprinkles of your choice.

I will slowly transform into a domestic goddess like my mother.  

Just you wait.

I DON'T DO PANCAKES

My mother can't make Jell-O

I can't make pancakes.

Life isn't fair.

I mean, for reals.

Exhibit A:

C'mon spatula! Get under there! Think SKINNY...

Exhibit B:

I forgot the formula for the area of a circle as I was pouring batter.

Exhibit C:

Uh.....yeah.

And I forgot to mention the discoloration:

Chocolate milk. Yeah. Bad idea.

Recipe for disaster:

1/2 to 1.5 cups (?) of tap water 

1 Box of Aunt Jemima's Pancake mix 

A dump of Western Family chocolate milk mix

A crappy spatula

And a girl who can't flip a pancake

SHA-ZAM!!

Stay tuned. Tomorrow I am making a labor-intensive Russian soup {Borscht} that I have never tried before so I don't know what it is supposed to taste like.


Anyone want to have dinner with me?

I AM TURNING INTO MY MOTHER.

I just had this realization today. Quite an interesting one. I was ordering lemon pound cake ice cream.




My mother loves anything with the flavor of lemon. I used to complain about it when I was younger. EVERYTHING she made in the kitchen or bought in the store had some variety of that tangy yellow citrus fruit.







Also, due to my AMAZING job in pushing back the frontiers of knowledge, (my biology research job) I have been practcing my plant I.D. and can name numerous shrubs, forbs, and grasses that appear in central Utah.







I used to HATE it when
my mother
would point out certain species of trees along the road,
make me knock on the front doors of the owners
of the rare shrubbery,
so that I could add specimens
to my leaf collection project
that I was assembling
for my advanced science class.







The worst part is that she would do this IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. I was mortified.
{ I was 13. }





Now, here I am pointing out edible plants and rattling off the latin names. What is happening??? My poor future children. I am becoming exactly what I promised I wouldn't.







And my mother's favorite color of blue?? (That china blue color....along with periwinkle...)

It is starting to grow on me.

MY BEST FRIEND

The other day I was pitting an avocado quite cleverly with a butcher knife and a friend asked where I learned the trick. I answered

"My mother taught me that - along with the advice to always use your blinker and never vote straight ticket."

My mother is my best friend. Honestly. I know I can always trust her opinion. She always gives me a straight up answer if I ask her if some article of clothing flatters my figure or not.



{This little picture sums up my sentiments quite accurately.}

I was thinking about all the things that my mother is, and has been, in my life. My mother is my....

Alarm clock, driving instructor, dinner chef, wardrobe advisor, shopping buddy, diaper changer, lullaby vocalist, teacher, righteous example, personalized-advice-giver, chauffeur, my #1 fan, my best audience member, comforter, curfew enforcer, friday lunch date, best listener, guider, mom, and best friend.

I don't know where I would be without her. I realize my life could have taken a very different route, and I am so lucky to have her as a mother. She is wise, strong and immovable. As I reflect back on my life, I realize that she was supposed to be my mother. The way that she understands me and connects with me is irreplaceable and rather rare. The advice that she gives me has always stuck. Even if it seemed to bounce off of my hardened teenage self, it still made an impact. I hope you read this mom. (Oh, I forgot to add to the list above that you are probably my best and only blog follower/reader. :)

Happy Mothers Day.