WHY YES, I AM OVERQUALIFIED

I have filled out so many applications for internships it is overwhelming.  I would rather have my toenails removed than repeat my resume once more.

Being a young one, I find it funny when I have to list my skills from my summer job in high school.  I worked minimum wage, you doofus.  A trained 1st grader could've probably done my job. 


Anyways, by this point I can target my inexperienced resume for any professional corporation.





PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT: Courtesy Clerk. (More commonly known as "Grocery bagger") 


Skills:

• Optimally bag groceries in a way that maximizes the volume of the bag.
• Bag groceries with superior speed and agility.
• Manually maneuver a stack of up to 12 shopping carts from the parking lot into the store.
• Exhibit lightning-quick reflexes to catch any falling glass containers while stocking shelves.
• Engineer structurally sound cardboard displays for new shipments of ketchup 

Basically, I am superwoman.

Paper or plastic??

REJECTION

I am really good at saying no

when a boy, whom I am not interested in, asks me out 

when someone asks me if I like children

when someone tells me I should be a music major

when a guy wants to discuss politics on a date

And when the U.S. Navy asks me to fix their ships for them.

STICK IT TO THE MAN. 

*fist bump*

Yup.  The "top secret" internships didn't come in like I had hoped.  But a hard-hat-on-head and hammer-in-hand engineering job came up.  Can you picture a girl like me {for you strangers: blonde girl in a pencil skirt with stilettos} out in a naval ship yard maintaining ships?






Yeah. That's what I thought.

Before everyone gets the wrong idea, I was flattered by the offer, but don't think I would be very useful with a wrench.  I am more of a design/analysis/number crunching type person, ya know... or a....Ok fine. Nerd.

There. I said it.

ExxonMobil looks appealing to me.  Consider this: Last summer I was a part of a climate study and researched global warming.

 If things go my way, next summer I might be creating global warming and destroying the earth with drilling.

Again, stick it to the man.

DREAM INTERNSHIP

So, the STEM [science, technology, engineering, and math] career fair is this week and I am pretty stoked.

Boeing.

Lockheed Martin.

Northrop Grumman.

Pretty much the top dogs in the aeronautic industry will be there.

I even bought a cute blazer to wear with my slacks and heels.  I'll look sharp.
And so will my resume.


The best part is researching the companies so I will be able to conversation-alize with the reps.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT??

Most internships I am looking at require security clearances--

TOP SECRET ones.

I thought they only used that term in cartoons and movies.  

Oh no. 

I could be working on a confidential project this summer.

For the U.S. Government.  

I hope I get a "top secret" internship. 

WAY cool.

BRAGGING RIGHTS

Sorry, I just have to spill my happy secrets today.

Two of 'em.

Ready?

1. I might get to be a co-author on this biology research paper that I have been assisting my professor on all summer.

Yes, I will attach my name-Me. Sarah- To an actual piece of science. For better or worse (concerning my reputation in academia).

2. I secured a possible engineering internship (I say "possible" because I haven't committed yet) with a company that makes devices for biology research.

 Yes, this was a connection from my summer job.  The vice president was impressed when I wired the data loggers correctly.

Maybe this is why I am not ready to go back to school--my brain has been thinking and reasoning at maximum capacity during the past three months.  I need to...veg out...or something.

Two cheers for Sarah's academic success this summer.
Ooof. "Academic" and "summer" should not be in the same sentence...

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SARAH

Expectation: I borrowed necessary objects of importance from Brigham Young University for top secret experiments in the bio lab with full authority.

Reality:  Today, I was paid to kife trays from the CougarEat which I used to collect dirt.  It is ok...it was all in the name of science.

Expectation: When the BioChambers malfunctioned today at work, I whipped out my toolbox and engineering skills to restore them to working order.  My boss gave me a raise.

Reality: I noticed they weren't working and promptly notified my professor so he could call technicians.

Expectation: I organized, weighed, and analyzed all 165 soil samples without labeling errors or contamination. 

Reality: I sneezed while holding a sample of dirt and all contents flew in various directions, mixed with other soils, and destroyed data for seven samples.  (Not including the sample that was scattered.)

Expectation: Because of my superhuman strength and cleverness, I was able to remove the tightly packed clay that was stuck in 2 ft-long test tubes with efficiency and ease.

Reality: Frustrated that wet clay was making a seal on the opening of the tube, I impatiently grabbed the nearest pokey-stick-like-tool to jab at the hardening clay--I chose the glass stirring rod-- which soon snapped in my left hand, gauged out a chunk of my skin so large that the doctor had nothing to "stitch together",  left me in shock with blurred vision, a diminished sense of hearing, a cold sweat, nausea, and a gauzed-wrapped finger the size of a small potato.

LIST #4

REASONS WHY I LOVE MY JOB IN THE FIELD:

1.  I get paid to sit in the wildflowers (while waiting for machines to collect data)

2.  I make infrared sensors with a soldering iron and wire them into the data loggers.

3.  I get paid to watch water trickle into dirt very slowly. (for soil infiltration rates)

4.  I acquire a pretty spectacular tan{and tan lines} at 10,000 feet because there is little obstruction of UV rays at that altitude.

5.  I stay in this cute vintage cabin with hot water and a toilet

6.  There are always new species of wildflowers in bloom each week

7.  I get to pick all the wildflowers-unlike other people-because I am a scientist and I can call it "research"

8.  I have little distractions in the wilderness so that I can ponder God, and life, as well as solve all of the world's problems - like world hunger - in my head. {I will let you know when I reach a solid conclusion.  I am still in the brain storming phase on that one...}

9.  Since I am surrounded by hippie biologists, I am privileged to be the butt of all jokes--the engineer jokes are flying constantly.

10. I am learning about all of the edible plants in the area so that just in case I am stranded in central Utah, I will be able to  survive on glacier lily seed pods, wild rose, as wells as various roots and berries.

CLAP FOR SARAH

Have you ever played the game BANANAGRAMS?

It is like scrabble on steroids.

So, since my job requires me to live in a cabin seven miles up a canyon with little connection to society, I have to come up with things to do.  That is why I played Bananagrams. By myself.

No really though, it was a huge accomplishment.  I am good with numbers. Not words.  It took me a while to use up every letter tile.

Ok. Almost.

P.S. Notice which two letters just happen to be leftover! Jordan and Sarah!!! ---I promise I didn't plan that. Honest.

I like to call this "mechanical engineering style."  {I don't get it, but people are always worried when I take something apart, put it back together, and have a few leftover screws or bolts.}  C'mon people, if it still runs properly and stays together, I simply made it more efficient.

So there is the story of "mechanical engineering style" Bananagrams.

Except, I have to play like that by myself, because no one understands the great genius mastermind behind my rules.

Oh the solitary life of an engineer...

LIST # 3

REASONS WHY I HATE MY JOB:

{Sorry for the pessimism. It's been a hard week.}

1. I have to use MS DOS command lines to run this archaic ecosystem simulation program. (I feel like I am in the 80's)

2. Fixing errors in the simulation program

3. Fixing more errors in the program

4. Reading 3 user manuals to find scattered information to fix my problem

5. Finding out I wasted three weeks making uncessary weather files for the program

6. And that the lady who wrote the program thinks I am a total pinhead because I can't deciper her cryptic directions in the manuals.

7. Well she is a pinhead because her user manuals suck.

8. Yes, I am writing this post instead of working.

9. I am so mad I don't care that there are an uneven number of items in my list.

LIST #2

WHY I LOVE MY JOB IN THE BIOLOGY LAB:

1. I get to play in the dirt

2. I get access to BYU's chemical stockroom. (12 M Hydrochloric acid, anyone??)

3. I get to zip around campus with the biology department vehicles.

4. I get paid to go camping

5. I get to make graphs and linear regression models-which happens to be my favorite past time.

{{Pretty much, I have the best summer job ever.}}